The Straw Woman is the sixth episode of the seventh series of the popular ITV crime drama Midsomer Murders and originally aired on 29 February 2004.
Synopsis[]
When the curate of the local church in Midsomer Parva is burned alive in the effigy of The Straw Woman, DCI Tom Barnaby and DS Dan Scott find themselves investigating what must be a murder. Many of the villagers lay the blame on Alan Clifford who has made his fortune in the sex industry and has moved into the local manor house. There were others in the village however that objected to what they saw as a pagan festival. When the vicar is also killed—he too is burned to death in what some believe is the result of spontaneous combustion—the police have difficulty keeping some of the villagers from taking justice into their own hands. As the death toll keep mounting, Barnaby realizes that the solution is to be found in old parish records.
Plot, Part 1[]
In the village of Midsomer Parva, the villagers are gathered for the Straw Woman Festival. A straw structure is placed on the green. Matthew Cole is taking photographs.
Dr. John Cole gets up to welcome everyone. “Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to Midsomer Parva's first Straw Woman Festival.” A limousine drives through, honking and plowing through the crowd. “Oh, for God's sake! That's it!” Margaret Hopkins says, “I think our best response to this sort of intrusion is to press ahead.”
The Vicar, Rev. Jim Hale, lights a branch with fire and gets ready to light the “Straw Woman.” He hesitates and Cole says, “Come on, man. It's a tradition.”
Children go around in a circle singing: ♪ ..banished from our hearts is she ♪ ♪ Firelight and sing refrain ♪ ♪ Vanquish darkness with her name... ♪
MURDER 1: Then there is screaming. An eyeball peeks through a gap in the straw. Firemen and police arrive DCI Tom Barnaby and DS Dan Scott drive up. Scott says, “Nice night for a barbecue.”
Nearby at the Parva Manor, there is loud music, dancing, drinks, gambling and participants dressed in costume. Alan Clifford, dressed in an Elvis costume looks out the window at the village. Alan says, “Why the police?” His daughter, Jo Clifford says, “One of the Bible-bashers got burnt alive on top of that bonfire.” Alan laughs, “Maybe there IS a God, after all.” Jo says, “Yeah, and you know what? She's called Doris Day and she's counting your drinks.” Agnes Waterhouse walks up wearing a ranger costume.
Alan holds up his glass and says, “Special dispensation. Something tells me I'm about to be prime suspect in a murder case. Seems I've put somebody on a bonfire.” Agnes says, “I’ve put tomorrow's schedule on your desk. Is there anything else?” Alan says, “Well, if I think of anything else, I'll let you know. Lovely costume, by the way.”
The detectives come up to talk to Liz Francis and Dr. Cole. Margaret Hopkins sneers, “I wondered who they'd send.” Dr. Cole says, “Who the hell are you?”
Barnaby holds up his badge and says they would like to talk to Liz Francis, but Dr. Cole says she is in shock. Scott suggests they talk to Miss Francis tomorrow.”
Rev. Hale comes out and says, “It's Alex! He's not in church. It's Alex. I know it is.” Alex Deakin is the curate. Barnaby asks why anyone would want to murder him. Hopkins says, “It'll be that rabble up at the manor, Barnaby. You mark my words.” Kate Malpas comes up to the Rev and asks if there is anything she can do? Hopkins sneers, “You've got a nerve, Miss Malpas.”
Pathologist Dr. George Bullard says, “Dental records only, I'm afraid.” Barnaby says, “He'd have to be unconscious when he was put in here, wouldn't he?” Barnaby finds a cross in the remains.
In the church, multiple candles are lit. Rev. Hale is praying. Hopkins tells him, “It's your duty to reassure the children there isn't a witch on the loose.” Dr. Cole says, “Damn it, man! It's only a school assembly.“ Barnaby and Scott come in the church and say they need to speak to Reverend Hale some questions. Dr. Cole says, “We need him at the school.” Barnaby tells them to wait outside.
Barnaby asks Hale if Alex had any enemies. Hale says, “He tried to turn me, he really tried. And now... God forgive me for meddling with such evil.” He fumbles with matches, dropping them, and leaves the church.
In the school, Jed Fox says angrily, “Why couldn't we have Guy Fawkes like everyone else?” Liz says, “Because it's an old village tradition.” Denise Jenkins says, “What would YOU know about tradition? You've only been here five minutes.” Liz says, “All I wanted to do was..” Jed interupts her, “Stick your smart-arse little fingers in.” Liz continues, “ ..teach the children how ignorance leads to fear, how it can affect a community.” Matthew Cole comes in and stands at the back. Jed says, “So we're ignorant now, are we?” Liz explains, “Not now. In the 17th century. If people hadn't been so prejudiced - (All grumble in disagreement) If people hadn't been so prejudiced, all those innocent women wouldn't have been burned as witches.” Jed says, “Who says they was innocent, eh?” Denise says, “Yeah. No smoke without fire.” Villagers yell “Yeah. Yeah.” Matthew says, “I think it was a good idea. It brought us together against the Manor.” Sally Middleton says, “It was Deakin who brought us together against the Manor. Look what it did for him.”
Liz says, “This really isn't going to help the children.” Jed says, “You're damn right. I'm taking my lad home with me right now.” Liz tries to protest. The rest of the villagers leave. Matthew says, “I won't be charging for the photos.” He gives them to Liz. Liz says, “Thank you, Matthew.” Matthew looks around the schoolroom, “Anyone would think it was a witch that...did it.”
In the graveyard, Hopkins and Cole are cleaning up trash. Hopkins says to Barnaby and Scott, “Alan Clifford's been determined to destroy village life since he bought the Manor.” Dr. Cole says, “A nightclub owner and pornographer- all that nonsense with the limousine last night was him trying to rain on our parade.” Hopkins says, “He'd been at loggerheads with Alex Deakin for some time. See that building to the left of the Manor? That's the chapel. The village clergy used to serve there.” Hopkins says, “Until Clifford had it deconsecrated. Alex was determined to see it restored to its proper use. Inspector, may I suggest a visit to Parva Manor might shorten your investigation somewhat.”
The detectives walk off and Scott says, “You know Hopkins, then?” Barnaby says, “Yes, indeed I do. Professionally. She's a magistrate. Scott says, “Sounds like it's Clifford she wants on the bonfire.” Barnaby says, “She was always a bit of a hanger and a flogger. Scott says, “She should work for Clifford. People pay good money for that kind of thing.”
At Parva Manor, Barnaby shows his badge to the doorman. Rev. Hale comes into Alan Clifford’s bedroom, formerly a chapel, and says, “Heathen! Defiler! Devil!” He throws items off of the “alter,” breaking dishes and bends down to pray. “Heavenly Father, cleanse and sanctify this, your house, and shield it from the…” Men come in and grab him to remove him when Barnaby and Scott walk in. “Hey, hold on. DCI Barnaby. DS Scott. Causton CID. Hold on.” Rev. Hale says, “See? The house of God turned into a brоthеl!” Alan says, “We call it "a chapel of love”. Hale says, “You won't get away with this. Whatever abomination it is you're planning, I'll stop it. On poor Alex's soul, I'll stop it.” Alan says, “Check the diary, Agnes. See if I've had any vicars roasted!” Hale angrily leaves and Barnaby says, “Well, well. What an adventurous conversion of a former place of worship.”
Alan says, “It still is a place of worship.” Barnaby says, “I understand the Reverend Deakin also opposed your plans.” Alan says, “Well, he complained to the DOE. Oh, yes, and then he tried to prove that the Manor didn't legally own this chapel.” Scott says, “So, what are you planning, exactly?” Alan says, “Ask the God Squad. They've got the very best ideas.” Barnaby says, “Mr Clifford, can you tell us, please, where you were between 12pm and 6pm yesterday afternoon?” Agnes says, “Lunch with the architects. Then there was a meeting between 3pm and 5pm, then... you got ready for your party.” Scott says, “A meeting?” Agnes says, “It was a business meeting between Mr Clifford and I.” Agnes goes on to say that Mr. Deaken came round yesterday, claiming there was no record of the land being transferred from the church. Clifford says that the Manor got the land when the monasteries were dissolved, before present church records began.”
Jo Clifford knocks on the door and asks, “Are you OK, Dad?” Agnes says, “He's fine.” Jo says, “I didn't ask you.” Alan introduces his daughter, Jo. She says, “Everyone reckons Dad had the curate burned, cos he moaned about the chapel? They all believe what they read in the paper, so Dad's the devil incarnate obviously.” Alan says, “Jo, have a peach, dear. It's since her mother left. She thinks I need looking after.”
Plot, Part 2[]
At the school, Liz tells the detectives that there was an outbreak of swine fever in the 17th century. The villagers tried to cure it with prayers. That didn't work and some women used herbal remedies. The pigs recovered but the women were tried for witchcraft and burned at the stake. Liz linked it into her citizenship lessons. They’ve been exploring prejudice and how it's rooted in fear and ignorance. When Liz suggested making a straw woman most of the villagers thought it was a bit of a laugh, extra business for the pub. Some didn't like it but didn't say why, just weren't comfortable with it. Alex Deakin was against it from the start- he thought it was pagan. The effigy was on the bonfire half an hour before the ceremony began. They weren't sure about the weather, so they kept it in the shed till the last minute. Liz shows the detectives the shed where the effigy was stored. She adds that Lucy Middleton's dad is a farmer so he lifted it on with his front loader.
The bell rings and Liz goes to see the kids out. She reminds a student, Tom, to remember his gym kit tomorrow. Denise says he won't be there tomorrow. Kate Malpas says, “What are you afraid of, Denise, the local coven will drink his blood?” Kate Malpas runs her own medical centre, using complimentary medicine. Liz tells the detectives that she last saw Alex Deakin alive yesterday morning. He was still trying to persuade the vicar to boycott the ceremony, so Liz took them both to the church to show them the parish records. It was the tradition for the vicar to light the fire.
Liz says, “When we got there, to the crypt, Alan Clifford's PA was there.” Deaken wanted to know how Agnes got access to the crypt. Clifford should be a church warden but he refuses to serve. He has a key and sent Agnes to see if there was a record of the church selling the chapel. Deakin was livid and said, "If you want to burn anyone at the stake, burn Clifford." Then Deaken went off to have it out with Clifford at the Manor. Barnaby says, “Thank you very much, Miss Francis.” Scott says, “If you think of anything else, just..” Liz says, “Give you a call?”
The detectives leave and Barnaby says, “Don't tell me- You wish you'd had a teacher like that when you were at school.” Scott says, “I might have done better, if I had.” Scott watches Liz bend over to put folders in her car.
MURDER 2: At night a policeman patrols the crime scene. Creepy music plays, leaves rustle and a shadow of a person goes by. A gate creeks, a bird screeches, the wind whistles and there is evil ghostly whispering. Someone enters the church, then Alex Hale enters the church. There is a pig head on the alter. Hale is shocked and, suddenly, Hale’s robes catch on fire and he falls to the floor.
The next morning, the detectives arrive. Villagers are outside the church and Matthew asks “Is true it was spon...taneous combustion?” Scott ignores him and passes by and into the church. Bullard is examining the crime scene. Scott asks what the pig head on the alter is all about. Barnaby suggests, “Something to do with an outbreak of swine fever in the 17th century? Ring around the local meat suppliers. See if you can find a pig that's lost its head.” Barnaby asks, “George. Can you be sure he's the vicar?” Bullard holds up a cross. Barnaby asks, “So, what happened? He was rendered unconscious somehow and then set alight?” Bullard says he will have to “get back to you on what caused the fire. Perhaps there's a Satanist on the loose.”
In the cemetery, Matthew is taking photos. Jo Clifford comes up and bothers him. Jo says, “Pretty weird, isn't it? Two vicars burning like that. Dark forces on the prowl. The devil rides.” Matthew says, “Don't joke about it. Please.” Jo asks, “So, do you just do gravestones?” Matthew says, “I do a lot of trees and rivers. I'm interested in light, how it moves.” Matthew says he is going to Fine Shade Woods later. Jo asks if she can watch? She could bring a picnic.
In the church, Barnaby tells Scott that there's no record of any chapel being sold to Parva Manor. Clifford said the transaction took place before records began. Scott says he spoke to the butcher in Causton. Clifford likes his hog roasts. He took a delivery of three whole pigs on Thursday. Barnaby says, “Two priests dead. Both of them burned alive and both opposed to Clifford.” Barnaby tells Scott to search the vicarage, while he has a word with Mr Clifford.
Agnes guides a blindfolded Alan Clifford into his room. She removes the blindfold and shows Alan a heart shaped bed loaded with pillows. Agnes lies down on the bed with Alan and turns on soft music.
Barnaby is led into the room and both Agnes and Alan get up. Barnaby says, “Mr Clifford, I understand you take a regular delivery of whole pigs. Is that right?” Alan says, “Yes. I heard about the business in the church. But if it was anyone at my end, I'd know about it, OK?” Barnaby asks if anyone can confirm Agnes was actually with Alan yesterday. He also asks what kind of nurse Agnes is. Alan says, “Agnes is a terminal-care nurse. She's MY terminal-care nurse. Damn good she is, too. It's erm... It's the Big C. I've been trying to keep it out of the tabloids, but sеx and death... You see, for me, they're a perfect headline. I'm sorry, no need- not as long as I've got Agnes looking after me. The "meeting" was for me, Miss Waterhouse and my pain control.” Barnaby asks, “Do you keep diamorphine stored here?” Kate Malpas also helps manage his pain. Alan says he “didn't fancy chemo. I thought about it, then I thought I'd rather go out with my hair on and trousers down. Things aren’t what they used to be in certain departments. There’s no point in changing the habits of a lifetime just because you’re in the bed nearest the door.” Barnaby looks at the medication records.
Scott goes into the vicar’s home. He sees a straw doll on the mantle and puts it in a plastic bag. There is also a photo of Rev. Hale and someone else in swim trunks on a beach.
Matthew and Jo are in the woods. Matthew says, “Sometimes, in the summer, I sleep out here. You get this really intense light first thing. It's amazing, through the new leaves. I get a bit from weddings and things. Not enough to go professional.” Matthew takes photos of birch trees. Meanwhile, Jo strips and lays down on a fur rug. “Time you got yourself a proper portfolio.”
DS Scott goes to Liz’s house and shows her the straw doll. She says, “The children made one each, as a memento.” Scott asks how one wound up on Hale's mantelpiece? Liz says, “Someone must have stolen them. I saw they were missing before the ceremony.” Scott asks if Hale and Deakin, were gay? Liz says, “Erm, just a bit. I don’t suppose the traditionalists were happy.” Scott asks, “And what about Hopkins and Cole?” Liz says, “Oh, yeah, they all used to go on the Gay Pride rally together!” Scott starts coughing and Liz offers him some tablets from Kate Malpas which are good for sore throats.
Plot, Part 3[]
That evening the wind is blowing and whistling throughout the town. The next morning, Matthew wakes up in the forest with a red stain on his shirt and sees a pig head on a tower of stones.
Barnaby is concerned that Liz Francis forgot to mention the missing straw dolls and Scott says she forgot. Scott shows Barnaby the photo he found at Hale’s. The photo of Hale and Deacon. Scott says Hopkins and Cole weren't too impressed.
At his office, Dr. Cole finds an envelope of photos of a nude Jo Clifford. He cancels his first appointment. Mrs. Hopkins arrives to see him and Cole shoves all the photos of Jo in his drawer. Hopkins says that Miss Francis is rather attractive. Hopkins says they should have gone for someone less attractive. Dr. Cole says, “Well, this older boy prefers someone a little more mature. In fact, once we've found our new vicar... perhaps you and I could consider shortening our engagement.” Hopkins says she wishes Matthew wasn’t so hostile towards her. Cole says, “He's still tied to his mother's apron strings.” They kiss and hug. Then Cole gets a call that Barnaby is there to see him and Hopkins leaves. Barnaby asks Cole if the Reverend Hale and Deaken were registered with him and he says “No. I believe they wanted to be discreet, given the nature of their relationship. Now, if you don't mind, I've got rather a lot of house calls.” Scott asks where Dr. Cole was Wednesday between 4pm and 6pm.” Cole says he was with Mrs Hopkins. Scott notices the lipstick on Dr. Cole’s face but Cole says, “There's nothing serious between Margaret and me. If anyone's lying about Wednesday, it's Clifford. Go and persecute him.” Barnaby tells Dr. Cole that Clifford was receiving medical treatment at the time, which Cole knew nothing about.
Matthew arrives at Jo’s house. He shows her his bloody tee shirt and tells her there is a pig head on an altar in the forest. Jo says, “Matthew, you've been dreaming. You fell asleep. I tried to wake you, but you just looked so peaceful and lovely.”Matthew says, “It's...a witch. It must be.” Jo says, “Oh, sure! It's not some kids having a laugh, it's the hex of the Black Hag.”
Margaret Hopkins is raking leaves. She says, “Barnaby, I trust you're here to tell me I'm free to use the church?” Hopkins lives in the old vicarage, which she received as part of her divorce settlement. Barnaby asks Hopkins how she feels about the relationship between the two reverends. Hopkins says, “I had no quarrel with their liturgical preferences. Both High Church, funnily enough.” Scott coughs and takes out his pills and Hopkins says, “I’d strongly advise you against using that Malpas woman's poisons.” Barnaby says, “So, neither you nor Dr Cole disliked having a gay clerical team in the parish?” Hopkins says, “Dr Cole is a fine doctor and a committed Christian. If he harbors homophobic prejudice, which I doubt, then he will be judged in a higher court than we have ever set foot in.”
Barnaby and Scott walk away and Barnaby says, “Infatuated AND lying and they both loathe Clifford. Get rid of their troublesome priests and point the finger at the vulgar intruder.” Scott says, “It's what they do in the Bible, isn't it? Burn the sinners.”
Dr. Cole goes to see Jo. He says, “You naughty little girl.” Jo smiles at him and he giggles. Jo says, “Looking forward to our trip? The glories of Christendom, Rome, Jerusalem? Or maybe we should just go for a B & B in Skegness.” Matthew comes out and sees Dr. Cole bending over Jo, holding her wrist. He says, “What are...you doing here?” Cole says, “I’m a doctor, Matthew, remember? I'm here to see Miss Clifford's father. I might ask you the same.” Jo says, “Security thought he was trying to photograph the Manor and I had to pull them off.” Matthew leaves and Jo takes off her bathrobe and puts on a sweater. Jo says, “If only he had his father's grip.” Dr. Cole wants to know when Jo is thinking of their jaunt. Jo says not while her dad is ill.
Cole knocks on Alan Clifford’s door and Agnes answers the door, “Can I help?” Cole leers at Agnes and says, “I’m sure you can.” Cole continues, “I'd like a word with Mr Clifford's medical advisers, if I may?” Agnes says, “You're talking to them.” Kate Malpas also comes to the door. She says, “Dr Cole. Come to cleanse us of our sins?” Cole says, “You!” Jo says to Agnes, “Talk about mutton dressed as lamb.” Agnes asks her, “How many people have you seen die, Jo? Not very pleasant, is it?” Jo says, “Get out of my way.” Agnes says, “Whatever it takes to get your father through this, I'll do it. It's my job. It's what he pays me for. And if you need help, too, you only have to ask.”
Dr. Cole says, “Mr Clifford, I really can't recommend this kind of treatment for such a serious condition. For pity's sake! You can't rely on her hocus-pocus drivel.” Kate Malpas says, “Oh, it's a badly overheated liver you've got there, Dr Cole. Cut out coffee for a bit. Try an infusion of dandelion root, instead.” Cole says, “You're a fraud, Malpas. A fraud and a mountebank.” Alan Clifford amused, says, “She speaks very highly of you, too.” Cole says, “Do you have any idea of the damage she's done to the health of this village?” Agnes interjects, “It's time for your morphine, Alan. You need to calm down.” Kate says, “Alan, why don't you invite Dr Cole to your party tomorrow tonight? Fags And Hags. Right up your street.” Alan laughs and says, “Oh, yes.” Cole replies, “Go to hell.” Jo says, “He's right. You DO need a proper doctor.” Alan says, “So, you don't think Agnes and Kate are PROPER?”
Jo says, “I mean, hospitals, Dad. You've got the money to buy the best in the world. All you've got is two old tarts banging on about the perfect death. You just don't get it, do you? I don't want you to die, Dad.” Agnes says, “Come on. Your father needs some rest. I can take over from here, Kate. I'll see you tomorrow.” Kate leaves. Alan says, “I suppose I should be grateful. Girls still fighting over me.”
Outside in their car, Scott (reads): “The original source of the ignition burns the skin and melts the subcutaneous fat. This then soaks into the clothing, acting as a wick. Nice!” The sign at The Oak Pub creaks in the wind. The wind whistles.
Plot, Part 4[]
Barnaby sees Kate walking by and says, “Can I have a word, please?” Kate’s office is filled with dried herbs and jars of natural medications. Kate says, “was a GP in London for 12 years. All this started as a sideline. Most modern treatments have their roots in this sort of thing. Clifford - was interested in alternative therapies. Agnes contacted me. He impressed me. A refreshing attitude to death. Made such a change from the sadomasochistic death cult on offer in Church.” Barnaby asks, “Were either the Reverend Hale or Alex Deakin patients of yours?” Kate says, “ gave Jim Hale anti-stress tablets. His er...situation played havoc with his nerves- His being gay was a disappointment for Margaret. She'd lobbied the bishop for an unmarried vicar.” Barnaby says, “So then she switched her affections to your...rival, Dr Cole.” Kate says, “Only Cole sees himself as my rival. He has a closed mind and an irascible temperament. In mediaeval terms, he has an excess of choler.” Barnaby says, “An excess of choler"? Setting up a rival practice, that couldn't have helped.”
Kate says, “There will always be people who prefer aspirin to willow bark. A bit like religion. Some people like slurping Communion wine. Others like dancing naked round a bonfire.” Scott goes around the room looking at the jars and medications. Barnaby says, “I take it you're not a churchgoer.” Kate says, “No. People make piles of stones and think they've found God. If it gives them comfort, that's their affair. I prefer Agnes. If anyone can make death bearable, she can.” Scott asks, “What's protein shock venom?” Kate says, “A mutation retardant. I get the venom from the frog.” There are frogs in a glass cage, croaking.
On their way out, Scott tosses his medicine in the trash. Scott says, “People pay for stuff like that.” Barnaby says, “The things you buy from a proper chemist are just a purified version.”
Dr. Cole is pounding on Kate Malpas’ window. Dr Cole yells, “Malpas! You're a damned disgrace to the profession. Do you hear me?! He kicks her door. Barnaby says, “Dr Cole! I wonder if we might possibly have a word with you - in your surgery?” Cole says, “She's no business treating anyone who's seriously ill.” Barnaby says, “Surely that is Mr Clifford's choice.” Cole tells the detectives that Malpas- “mal" - "evil", "pas" - "step". "Evil step." Barnaby tells Cole he wants to see his drug register, which Cole claims to not know where it is. Barnaby says he will give him until tomorrow morning to find it. Barnaby also tells him not to leave the village without informing them. The detectives leave and Cole looks mad and loosens his tie. Then he takes out the photos of Jo. He goes through them, laying them all out on his desk.
In his darkroom, Matthew processes a photo of himself with the pig head on his lap. He runs in to show them to his father. Matthew sees the nude photos of Jo lying on the desk. Cole yells at him for coming into his office and says the nude photos are a damn disgrace. Matthew says Jo is his girlfriend. “We're lovers,” Matthew says. Cole says, “Jo Clifford wouldn't hold your hand, let alone sleep with you.” Cole shoves the photos into a file. Matthew tries to take the file of photos and slaps Cole.
Cole comes out into the lane and Hopkins meets him. The photos fall on the ground. Hopkins says, “And I thought you were after Miss Francis.” Cole claims they are Matthew photos which he found in his darkroom. He says he is going to burn the filth and then is going to pray. Hopkins says, “Shall I come with you?” Cole says, “I'm the one who's failed as a father. Pray for Matthew. He's not a happy soul.”
Plot, Part 5[]
ATTEMPTED MURDER: Cole goes into the church with the photos. He sets one alight and puts it on a plates with the others. The photos burn. Cole notices a straw woman on the altar. Someone comes up from behind and knocks Cole on the head with a candlestick. As he lies on the floor, his clothes catch on fire.
Barnaby and Scott drive up and Matthew rushes up. Cole is being taken out of the church on a gurney and Liz comes out of the church. She says, “He was on fire. I tried to put it out.” Jed yells, “You brought it back. 400 years and you brought it back.” Jenkins yells, “Witch!” Matthew runs off.
An officer is assigned to Liz and Barnaby says they will come around later to take a statement. Bullard tells the detectives that if Cole lives, he'll have Miss Francis to thank. Barnaby asks, “George, if you wanted to create the impression of spontaneous combustion, are you able to do that?” Bullard says he can set something up in the lab to show the detectives how it could be done. Bullard says, “There were traces of a narcotic on Deakin. It's organic- Valerian. Commonly used by homeopaths.” Barnaby says, “Did Margaret Hopkins appear to you to be unduly keen to get this church reopened after Hale's death? Yet her lover's burned a few yards from her front door and we see no sign of the lady.” The detectives look at the plate of burned photographs. Taken by Matthew Cole, perhaps, and burnt by John Cole, or by his attacker. They also see the straw doll on the altar. Scott promises to go see Liz Francis.
At Liz’s home, Kate pours her a drink. Scott knocks on her door. The angry villagers are lined up in the road outside Liz’s house.
Scott goes in to talk to Liz, who is tearful. She says she saw Cole and Hopkins. “It was like she'd caught him with something, some kind of papers. She seemed angry at first, then he calmed her down. Then Hopkins went off somewhere and Cole made a beeline for the church. So Liz followed him in case he had something to do with Hale and Deakin. When she got there, he was on fire. She used a fire extinguisher and called an ambulance.
Matthew throws a brick through Liz’s window. They chant, “Witch! Witch! Witch! Witch! Stay here. Witch! Witch! Witch!” Scott tries to reach Matthew, who runs off. Scott says, “He's mad with grief. He needs help. Can't you see that? No. You've all gone loopy yourselves. When he shows up, you come to me.” Jenkins says, “Fine. If you tell her to go back where she came from.” Jed says, “We wouldn't want her getting burnt, would we?” Scott gets ready to arrest Jed Fox, but Liz stops him. Scott says he will get a uniform to put outside Liz’s door, but she says no. Scott calls Barnaby and says they should look through Cole’s office.
At Cole’s office, Scott finds a remnant of a naked photo. They ask Hopkins if she knows anything about the photo and she goes nuts and says, “He’s a Christian. A Christian doctor. Do those words mean anything to you? You'd rather put your faith in herbs and spells. Just like all the other heathens! It's a sickness in the village. Just like it always was.”
Matthew goes running through the forest. He sees the altar where the pig head was. It is gone. Someone looks through Matthew’s darkroom and steals the negative of the pig photos.
Scott passes by and looks up at Liz Francis’ house. He pats her car and the alarm goes off. She sees him through the window and turns off the alarm.
In the lab, Bullard shows Barnaby how to make a fire seemingly from nothing. Bullard says, “O-level chemistry. It's phosphorus. It burns in the atmosphere at room temperature. So find a solvent to make a solution and hey presto, the solvent evaporates and the phosphorus burns.” Barnaby says, “Can you test for traces in the victim?” Bullard says that Cole's clothes are covered in fire extinguisher but he might get something from Hale. Since it is basic chemistry, then anyone can do it. And they could get the chemicals from any school laboratory. Bullard says, “I pity the youth of today. Health and safety wouldn't let them near it in a million years.”
Lucy brings Liz Francis a card. She says she doesn’t think Miss Francis is a witch.
Scott arrests Matthew Cole for throwing the brick. Matthew is only able to stammer. Then he laughs hysterically.
Jo runs out to the woods and sees the alter, but there is no pig on it.
Barnaby asks to see Jo. Alan says, “She's 19. You think she should tell me every time she goes out?” Barnaby says, “Look, Dr Cole will probably die in the next few hours. His son seems to be having some kind of a breakdown and I need to talk to your daughter.” Kate says, “Alan, if Jo knows anything” Agnes says, “Don't go on at him.” Alan says, “Agnes!” Kate pulls Barnaby aside and says that Matthew came to her surgery last night deeply disturbed. She tried to give him a sedative, which he rejected violently. Kate asked him to show her the place- He used to take photographs down at Fine Shade Woods. Matthew has been Kate’s patient for the past few years. He worshipped his mother, who died last year. Matthew thinks Hopkins persuaded Cole to help his mother on her way.
Barnaby goes to the woods and finds rocks with blood on them.
Barnaby examines a note which says, “Records Past Present Sins." Scott says someone shoved it under the door. Scott also shows Barnaby photos that just came in from the lab. They are nude photos of Jo Clifford. Barnaby says, “So... Matthew Cole took 'em and his dad Dr Cole got hold of them.” Scott says, “And if Hopkins caught Cole with them then -“ Barnaby says, “She maybe attempted to send them the way of their sexually deviant clergy.”
Hopkins is speaking to a group of villagers. She tries to incite them against Kate Malpas. Barnaby arrests her for incitement to civil disorder. Jed says, “Lay off, Barnaby!”
Plot, Part 6[]
Scott and Liz go looking in the basement of the church. Liz finds a book and Scott gets his hand cut on something.
Barnaby asks Hopkins if she sent the note. Then he shows her the photos of Jo Clifford. Hopkins is in denial.
Liz fixes Scott’s cut hand while they look through the book from the church. Liz says, “I should never have come here. 400 years and I've stirred the whole thing up again. Nothing's changed.” Someone pushes something through the open window and Scott gets up to investigate, but Liz pulls him down and kisses him.
Barnaby goes to talk to Matthew at the hospital. “What can you tell me about this photograph, Matthew? We found it on you. Matthew, can you hear me? Who took this photograph, Matthew? Someone is trying to scare you, Matthew. It's nothing to do with a witch.” Mathew is unable to be interviewed. He is incoherent.
Hopkins is crying and pulls out her necklace which has a photo of Dr. Cole. She sets it on fire.
The next morning at Liz’s house, Scott puts on his shoes. Liz, in her bathrobe, says from the stairs, “Not saying goodbye?” Scott says, “Didn’t want to wake you up.” She kisses him goodbye. Scott says, “Can I call round later? See you later, then.” Liz looks at the book again and has an idea- she calls Scott.
Barnaby says, “I had to interview Margaret Hopkins single-handed last night. The evidence against her was circumstantial. I had to let her go.” Scott says, “Well, what about the pictures?” Barnaby says, “She's seen the light at last about Dr Cole. It seems there was more than one photographer.” Barnaby shows Scott the photo of Matthew with the pig head on his chest. Who took this? The person who builds altars in the woods. I thought I asked you to keep your mobile on. Dan?
Liz goes into the church to meet Dan, but there is no sign of him. Someone hits her with a candlestick.
Scott listens to Liz’s message. Liz leaves a message, “Dan, it's Liz. Listen, I know who it is. I can't believe we missed it. Meet me at the church, yeah?”
MURDER 3: Scott and Barnaby run to the church and see Liz lying on the floor. She catches on fire and Scott takes off his coat and tries to put out the fire. Barnaby grabs the fire extinguisher and it is empty. Then he grabs curtains and Scott tries to put out the fire. They can’t get it out. Scott falls to his knees. They watch Liz burn.
Barnaby tells Bullard that there was no straw doll this time, but everything else was the same. He’s analyzing the residues on Hale's clothing and still checking on the phosphorus. There's definitely some kind of industrial solvent present. Barnaby asks, “Pin it down, George. Get the names of all the suppliers.”
Scott listens to the phone call from Liz. “Dan, it's Liz. Listen, I know who it is. I can't believe we missed it. Meet me at the church, yeah?" He is at the school. Lucy comes over to say Hello. Scott goes to Liz’s house and looks at the book. "Executed this day, most falsely protesting her innocence."
At Parva Manor, Alan says, “Er...ladies and gentlemen, welcome. As you might have heard, my next appearance in the press is likely to be in the obituary column, which is why I thought it only fair to introduce you to our project for the manor before it goes to the planning department later on today.” Barnaby walks in. “And so, ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Alan Clifford Hospice. A fully equipped oasis, where rationally minded people will be able to end their days on this glorious planet. Or should I say...God's Earth? As it says in the good book somewhere I believe - Mrs Hopkins will know it chapter and verse - "In my end is my beginning." And so, good people, I give you the future of Midsomer Parva. In this way, I hope to ensure I shan't be leaving you completely. When I've gone, my trusted nurse Agnes Waterhouse, and my brilliant if unconventional medical advisor Kate Malpas, will run the centre for the benefit of you all.” The audience claps. Barnaby says, “It's very impressive, Mr Clifford. Shame your daughter wasn't here to witness it.” Alan says, “I haven't seen her, but if I do, Inspector, you're the first to know.”
Barnaby sees Jo Clifford driving off outside of the manor. Barnaby runs out and stops here. “Miss Clifford, I believe that you took this photograph. I believe that you seduced Matthew after posing for him in the woods. Now, Matthew started a second roll of film halfway through your little photo shoot. You took the first one from him when he was asleep. You left him the second, but with one extra shot on it. This one...which you took. Why?” Jo gets out of the car. “I wanted to wind up Cole. He comes on like he's this really sympathetic GP, and I thought he was all right. Then he starts wanting to examine me. I told him I was thinking about joining his church. He loved that. He said we should go on holiday together. Matthew was part of the plan. Daddy thinks he's pulled a teenager, but, oops, Matthew got there first. His dad treats him like dirt. We had a laugh.” Barnaby shows Jo the photo and says, “Think this is a laugh, do you?” Jo says, “I wanted to see how they liked having a real witch. I got a pig's head from the kitchen and made an altar in the woods. I tried to get rid of it after Cole got burnt. I gave Matthew some of Kate Malpas's herbal stuff to make him sleep. Yes, I took the picture and sent the sexy ones to his dirty old man. But that's it, OK? I didn't try and kill his dad. I didn't even get his message until this morning.”
Barnaby says, “What message?” Jo says, “I think he'd realized it was Matthew who'd taken the pictures of me. He wanted to meet in the church, but I'd left my phone in Dad's room.”
Barnaby takes Jo to Matthew’s hospital room. He tells her to talk to him. Then Barnaby gets a phone call and leaves. Scott shows Barnaby a passage in the book, “I kept thinking of what Liz had said in that last message. She was reading the parish records. I went to see what she'd found. "Executed this day, most falsely protesting her innocence, Katherine Malpas." "Records past, present, since." Sir, it's got to be her. Miss Malpas.”
When confronted, Kate Malpas says, “Katherine Malpas was murdered three centuries ago by fools and bigots because they didn't understand what she did. She cured their pigs. Now, you seriously suppose she'd approve of me burning people alive because I don't share their beliefs?” Barnaby tells Scott to get his head together.
At the Barnaby house, Joyce brings out a dish and “says, “I seemed to get the crackling right for once. It’s nice and crispy.” Cully asks, “So, how's the witch hunt?” Barnaby says, “The witch hunt is not concluded.” Cully says, “Witch hunts never are. You burn one, you have to find another.” Joyce says, “That's horrible, Cully.” Cully says, “It's true. Everyone needs to have something they can feel good about hating. Plus everyone loves a bonfire.” Joyce says, “How's Daniel getting on with it all?” Barnaby says, “Oh...Daniel. Suddenly, ever since Liz Francis died, he's gone to pieces. I mean, you cannot mix romance and policing, can you?” Cully replies, “And you're not a romantic? What was that song you used to sing? Erm... ♪ Those fingers in my hair ♪ ♪ That sly, come-hither stare ♪ ♪ That strips my conscience bare?” Joyce sings, “ ♪ It's witchcraft... ♪ Do you remember, Tom? You gave me that LP as a going-away present.” Barnaby has a thought.. “A going-away present.” Cully says, “Oldest spell in the book, Dad.” (Flashback: Agnes saying, “Think of it as a going-away present.” Liz saying, “When we got to the crypt, Alan Clifford's PA was there to see if there was anything about the church selling the chapel.”) Barnaby says, “I'm sorry,” and leaves. Joyce wails, “Oh, Tom!”
Agnes comes into Alan’s room with a costume. Agnes asks where Kate is. Alan says she’s been helping the police. Agnes leaves.
Barnaby goes to the church. He picks up the phone and calls Alan. Agnes answers, “Parva Manor. Agnes Waterhouse speaking. Hello?” Barnaby hangs up. Alan is dressed in his costume and Agnes rubs his temples. Barnaby calls Scott. He tells him to get to the manor house and bring Kate Malpas with you.
Jo is at the hospital crying next to Matthew. She says, “I’m sorry about what happened to your Dad. Matthew.” Alan calls, “Jo? It's me. I'd... I'd really like you to be here tonight. Jo.” She hangs up on him. Matthew wakes up and says, “Jo, you should speak to him - go to him, talk to him, while you still can.”
Plot Denouement[]
ATTEMPTED MURDER 2: Alan takes a pill and says, “Are you sure Kate was right about what she said. I don't want to be half asleep at the party.” Agnes says, “I wouldn't worry about Kate.” Agnes hooks up his IV line. She lies down next to him. Alan says, “Agnes? What are you..” Agnes says, “Sshh! Let Kate take care of things after we've gone. We may not have had the perfect life together, but we'll have the perfect death.” Agnes kisses Alan and the detectives break in and pull Agnes away.
Agnes screams, “No! No! No! No! Get off him, you bitch!” Kate Malpas turns the IV off. Barnaby says, “Agnes Waterhouse, I arrest you for the murders of Alex Deakin, Jim Hale and Elizabeth Francis.” Kate asks, “How many of these has he taken? How many?” Agnes screams, “Enough!” Kate says, “Take these, Alan. Please, it's an antidote.” Agnes screams, “They're poison!” Alan asks, “What is happening?” Barnaby says, “She's trying to frame Miss Malpas here.” Agnes says, “Everything was going so well between us. Then suddenly Kate this... Kate that...Kate the other!” Barnaby says, “You were the one person to stand between her and her final ambition. To die the perfect death with the man she loved.”
Jo runs in crying and hugs her father, “Dad? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”
At the police station, Barnaby says, “The only trouble was we hadn't heard about the first Katherine Malpas. So you had to send us a clue, didn't you? Records past... present and since. You'd been looking through the parish records and you found the perfect scenario. Your rival was related to a witch. And when Liz Francis decided to revive the straw woman ceremony, she unwittingly presented you with an ideal opportunity.” Agnes says, “I don't know what you're talking about.” Barnaby says, “Don't you? I wondered, did you ever take O-level chemistry? Methylbenzene. Toluene, to give it its industrial name. It's a solvent, as I think you know. Perfect for dissolving volatile chemicals like phosphorus. I found that behind your drսgs fridge. And... ..there were these. Miss Waterhouse?” He shows her the straw woman dolls. Scott stands in the corner, looking sad.
Agnes says, “My last patient was a school lab technician. Lovely man. He had leukemia. He showed me the experiment they used to do with phosphorus. It was his favorite trick.” Agnes opens the bottle of Toluene and pours it on the straw doll. Barnaby says, “So... after Alex Deakin had made his protest to Mr Clifford on the morning of the straw woman's ceremony, what did he do? He invited you into the vicarage for a coffee?” (Flashback: Agnes says, “I told him I could influence Alan to reconsecrate the chapel. Poor man. He was so desperate, he actually believed me. He was sick. Mentally unstable. Any religious belief is a manifestation of mental illness in my book. So I medicated him. I gave him a sedative. I put it in his coffee. (She leads Alex to the shed) I chose the moment when I knew Liz Francis was busy with the children. I knew her stupid straw woman was in the shed.) After the death of his beloved Alex, I knew that Hale would go to the church that night to pray. I'd taken Alan's key. (Flashback: I put the pig's head on the altar... poured toluene onto his robes. It was quite impressive.) The others were easy. Cole left a message on Jo's mobile. I picked it up and went to meet him at the church.” Scott asks, “Why Liz?” Agnes says, “She'd read the parish records. She knew I'd read them, and she worked out what I'd done. After she'd arranged to meet me at the church, I found her there alone.” Scott says, “So you...burned her alive.” Agnes smiles and says, “I had to.” The straw doll goes up in flames. Scott walks out.
Outside, Barnaby sees Kate Malpas. He says, “Kate? Kate. For what's it's worth... I hope you'll stay.” Kate says, “Thank you. Do you know why that pub's called The Oak? There used to be an old tree on that spot. The first Katherine Malpas was hanged there. Hanged? There were no witches burnt in this village. Only straw women. Still, everyone loves a good bonfire, eh?”
Cast[]
- John Nettles as DCI Tom Barnaby
- John Hopkins as Sergeant Dan Scott
- Jane Wymark as Joyce Barnaby
- Laura Howard as Cully Barnaby
- Barry Jackson as Dr. George Bullard
- Keith Barron as Alan Clifford
- Maggie O'Neill as Agnes Waterhouse
- Kelly Hunter as Kate Malpas
- Susannah Wise as Liz Francis
- Richenda Carey as Margaret Hopkins
- Richard Cordery as Dr. John Cole
- Jemima Rooper as Jo Clifford
- Daniel Weyman as Matthew Cole
- Jonathan Hackett as Rev Jim Hale
- Martin Herdman as Jed Fox
- Caroline Lintott as Sally Middleton
- Sarah Ball as Denise Jenkins
- Madeleine Rakic-Platt as Lucy Middleton
- Alex Belcourt as WPC
- John Warman as Policeman (uncredited)
Galleries[]
Body Count[]
Prior to the Episode
Died of natural causes 1 year prior to the events of the episode.
In the Episode
Drank drugged coffee and taken to the shack where the Straw Woman was kept. The Straw Woman was then cut with a knife, he was put inside while still being unconscious and later that night was burned alive when the "statue" was set on fire as part of the festival.
Came into the church where he changed into a robe which was poured with phosphorus and toluene that slowly heated it, then saw a pig's head on the altar and his robe caught fire, burning him alive.
Lured to the church, knocked unconscious with a candlestick, and then burned after having her clothes poured with phosphorus and toluene, setting them on fire.
Supporting Cast[]
Episode Images[]
Arrests[]
Agnes Waterhouse for the murders of:
Attempted murder of:
- John Cole- Who will probably die.
- Alan Clifford
Notes[]
The following actors and actresses who appeared in this episode have also appeared in the following episodes
- Caroline Lintott - Death in Disguise, Ring Out Your Dead and Sins of Commission
- Sarah Ball - Blue Herrings
- Jonathan Hackett - Who Killed Cock Robin?
- John Warman - Ring Out Your Dead
- Alex Belcourt - Bad Tidings, Sins of Commission, Things That Go Bump in the Night and Last Year's Model
- Maggie O'Neill - The Curse of the Ninth
- Richard Cordery - The Made-to-Measure Murders and The Killings of Copenhagen
Trivia[]
- The character of Alan Clifford's nurse, Agnes Waterhouse, is named after the first witch to be executed in England (hanged, not burned, in 1566)
- Dr. Cole says Malpas in French means "evil step". This is true. However, if the "s" at the end isn't pronounced, as often is the case in French, it could mean "not evil". This could be a hint that she is not bad, as the village believes her to be and thus not the killer either.
Trials and Tribulations of DS Dan Scott:
- Poor Dan falls in love. His love interest dies. It is very sad!!!
Quotes[]
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Video[]
Midsomer Murders Series 7 Episode 6 - The Straw Woman Preview
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